Phone back on silent…

by buxllove

I tried to write happy blogs but I don’t write blogs with the intent to be fake or to talk about frivolities.
I come here to talk about how I’m feeling and today I’m wholly dissatisfied with daddy.

He has the worst habit of disappearing mid-conversation, we talk alot so I appreciate that he is making time for me around his other daily duties but just imagine being on the phone having a conversation, you’re going for it, you’re talking, he’s talking, you’re talking, he’s talking, you’re talking… You’re talking… You’re.
You’re pissed off now, why? Because this isn’t the first time it’s happened, it’s a habit and it’s one I can’t get used to.. It grinds my gears like no other …
With things like these I always think, there is one person that this person would not do that to, whether it’s a parent, a boss, a partner or a friend, there is always one person that this person knows they can’t get away with that bullshit with.
With daddy that person is not me.
I’ll always be there when he gets back right? So why bother notify me that he’ll be away for some time.
I make time for this man day and night, left and right, up and down.

Anyone who knows me knows I do not keep my phone on loud but for that man it’s always on loud and right by my side…
2 O’clock in the fucking morning that man can text me and I will respond. Only once has he been unable to get a hold of me and I rectified it straight away.
But with daddy that shitty habit persists.

Daddy does not miss me. Not how I miss him.

Im always open to feedback, ready to change my position, to accept that perhaps I am overreacting but today I don’t feel like I am.
I can only text or email him, I can’t call because I don’t know when she’s around plus hearing your call being sent to voicemail is torturing.
I can’t turn up at his house, that’s only ever been a luxury he’s been exposed to.
So I have to wait. Until king daddy makes time for his peasant slave.

He wants me to be 100% invested in him but he doesn’t understand what that means to me, I’m sure of that. Either he doesn’t know or refuses to acknowledge how easy I can make him my world, but there are bare necessities that must be adhered to in order for me to feel comfortable doing that.
Responding my my text because I’m not a fucking mind reader is one of them.
But apparently that is too much to ask.

I’ve checked my phone about 6 times
whilst writing this, hoping that he has contacted me, that way my discontent can subside for a moment and I don’t have to post this.

Part of me feels as though I shouldn’t because he will probably come back with a reasonable explanation as to why he went silent. But that’s not the point, the point is he shouldn’t do it in the first place. Unless he’s dead or in hospital there’s no excuse!
Him doing what he does is proof that he puts me In a special place in his mind, I don’t filter into his everyday life.
For example, if one of his kids were injured and he had to take them to hospital instead of excusing himself to the bathroom once he got there to give me a quick “can’t talk, back soon” he’d just wait the whole day, until his child was given the all clear then text me the next morning to send his apologies.
Now don’t get it mixed up, I do not expect him to put me before his children, but I expect the courteousness of a simple text to let me know he’s unable to speak.
We had a code. Red apple for “can’t talk” and green apple for “available” he doesn’t bother to use that anymore.

It’s so simple!!!! Just let me know what the hell is going on.
But I suppose as he’s put me in a box he doesn’t even think about it.

Well.. My phone is going on silent.
And I’m going to sulk.
I’m genuinely really upset.